After 30 years of being abused by him I developed C-PTSD and I began the process of getting away from him but then he found out and decided to regain control by using police as instruments of his abuse. Of course I did. In this case, silence is a foolproof solution to a very big problem and you will have finally beaten the narcissist at one of his own fucking games. When someone is not inside the web and they know it, they will try to marginalize this person by for example using a smear campaign. I began recording.messages to him on my personal.digital recorder, knowinf that he had somwthow tapped into it and could hear my recordings. I like virtually all people and I'm … No one loves the narcissist unconditionally like we foolishly did. This way, when or if their victims try to speak out or get help (or even support) with the abuse, the victim’s credibility has been undermined in advance. {Mrs. Zari} – you hold the power to exchange or not exchange info here…. The only one who will know if you are truly ready to start dating after a divorce is you, but here are some things to consider before you go on that first date. The cheating Covert Narcissist. In fact, by making one amazingly simple switch within our reaction to it, we can all but instantly change the dynamic of the smear itself. Whatever the reason, I am planning on leaving my job. Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality, Narcissistic Tactics (It’s All Smoke & Mirrors), What IS a Narcissist Anyway? How did you handle it? When we dump a narcissist or a narcissist dumps us, one of the first things that they do (to make themselves feel better) is embark on a smear campaign. I was so wrong. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. The police officers who arrested me are from the Domestic Violence Unit and due to their inexperience with NPD they ended up mistreating me and retraumatising me during the interview and I was fingerprinted and then taken back to the house only be told I had 4 minutes to get what I needed before I was evicted and banished from the property. That’s because it doesn’t work the same way as a “normal” person’s mind does. But though they recognize the moral wrongness, they equally show no concern about it as they actively work to recruit flying monkeys – people who (wittingly or not) do the narcissist’s bidding. Itâs awkward at first because her ex is like the elephant in the room, having said some horrible things about herâ¦but everyone soon gets over that. Eventually, he will have to stop talking. Because in the end, the truth really does prevail and our silence allows it to happen. When you're divorcing a narcissist, there's a whole other layer of manipulation and controlling behaviors involved. Iâm serious, even if the one half is spewing word garbage week after week that his ex is a murderer, the fact that she never utters his name and is as sweet as can be whenever you see her is going to cast doubt on everything he says. This strategy is foolproofâ¦and why? Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. They have absolutely no empathy for anyone else, and they only show feelings of remorse if it becomes necessary to do so – as in, if they get caught. Thank you so much for reading here and for sharing your story. That’s because, according to Robert Hare, PhD, “their information, including emotional information, is scattered all over both brain hemispheres – it takes too long or the brain to retrieve and process information, and the entire process of socialization becomes so ponderous that ultimately, it fails.”. You’ve clearly taken the high road against some very, shall I say, satanic forces. What do you think? People arenât stupid and not everyone buys into the narcissist’s shit. Because, of course, in his version of the story, you’ll be just the crazy bitch who was so mean and hateful to him and who tried to make his family and friends hate him. But I feel like am stalked. All rights reserved. Naturally, all we want to do is verbalize our innocence and defend ourselves against this smear campaign. It didnât matter if we were together or broken up or where he was when he did it, if there were people within earshot that knew me or knew of me, he happily talked shit about me. You cant protect yourself from something that you did know was going to happen beforehand. After you have … Thanks for this article and sorry for this wall of text. Also Visit: Imagine that youâre part of a group and one of the couples that you know is in a tumultuous relationship. You notice that the guy does NOTHING but talk shit about his ex for hours on end but when you see her, she says nothing about him at all. Naturally, when someone is talking shit about us to others, our first reaction is to want to defend ourselves. And it seems to be working a treat because the false schizophrenia allegation was treated as a motive for the alleged domestic violence as well as refusing to take me seriously when I tell them of the abuse I’ve endured in the past 30 years.  The person who talks all kind of smack about the ex or the the ex that is normal and nice and never even mentions the other one? Since, throughout the relationship, you mainly kept your mouth shut about the problems you … A narcissist’s smear campaign usually begins prior to the discard stage of a narcissistic relationship. Running a smear campaign somehow provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence, to begin with. We are now estranged from our son due to her master manipulative tactics to … Hi DP…I would have to say that the fact that she is a woman and you work in an office of primarily women is the key to the problem. Let me know in the comment section! Apparently Iâm evil and bitter about not being âchosenâ and thatâs why Iâm âdoing what [Iâve] been doingâ (whatever that means). I guess email me – if the possibility becomes available. The answer is obvious. I violated the all things must be kept secret rule so the devalue process escalated rapidly and viciously into the ultimate public humiliating discard….I just did not know it yet. Going no contact or low contact is statistically the most successful way to do it and the only “sure-thing” kind of answer you can find. He has not to my knowledge. I never paint her as being an evil person, although her actions may be, she is just the product of an abussive childhood who now is a covert narc and unable or unwilling to change. In fact, it’ll give him or her the proper fuel s/he needs to get his next supply on the line – his very own savior. I borrowed the money for a Christian attorney and after 5 grueling hours in court…..with me 3-1/2 hours on the witness stand forced to hear her malicious attacks on my character and only having to actually answer half a dozen questions that were allowed, she proved herself to be ingenuous and malicious even to the jusge (a stauch woman rights advocate). By talking smack around town about the discarded partnerâ¦by getting âthe word outâ about how horrible the ex isâ¦the N feels pumped up and vindicated about however the relationship came to an end. What it all comes down to is that since narcissists are virtually incapable of normal human emotional behavior, they must manufacture joy and happiness by taking a rather sadistic pleasure in being the predatory creatures they are. X's covert smear campaign has been one of the hardest things to go through. Since, all through your relationship you have maintained silence on your part about the problems you were facing, no one has realized or ever thought about your problems at all. People do pick sides but by not saying anything from here on in, by being confident in the truth that you know, you don’t have to defend yourself anymore. Not working in my case. The best and only solution to dealing with this kind of person and remaining or becoming happy in your life is to take back your power and choose to create the life you really want, with or without the narcissist – most likely, without. Did I feel embarrassed sometimes to be around people KNOWING what he must be saying when Iâm not there? ), Get Unstuck After Narcissistic Abuse: Your Personal Passion Plan, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com, Is The Narcissist Spying On You?
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